May 24 2012

I Can’t Wait to Get Old

You’re all going to think that I’m crazy.  But ever since I was a kid, I’ve been looking forward to being an old lady. 

It started out when I noticed that elderly women could get away with the coolest things.  They can turn around to the person behind them in line and say something utterly random, like, “Peaches are good for your heart, you know!”  They can bring out a tray of lemonade to the roughest looking group of teenagers.  They get to take their time doing things.  They can mismatch their clothes.  They can sing out loud in crowded public places, just because they want to.  Who is going to stop them?  They get to color outside the lines of unspoken social rules.

As I’ve grown up a bit, I’ve noticed that in so many ways your later years are a multiplication of your earlier ones (with some exceptions, of course).  Did you try to be kind to others when you were younger?  Then you’ll probably be the absolute nicest person in your older years.  Did you complain a lot when you were younger?  Nothing will be likely to cheer you up in your older years.  Optimists usually become super-optimists; pessimists usually become super-pessimists; and everyone generally becomes increasingly convinced of whatever they were fairly certain of before. 

I love this; we are destined be accountable for whomever we have chosen to be.  Being in my younger years, this motivates me keep a close eye on the type of person I am becoming!  If I’m going to enjoy being an old lady, I’ve got to be an enjoyable woman.

There’s something blissfully natural about getting older.  Even the richest person can’t stop it – and in fact many end up worse (in my opinion) by trying.  You can only prop up the vitality, outer beauty, and vigor of youth for so long.  Some people dread this; I think it’s wonderful.  We enter the world as equals, diverge so greatly in our middle years, and at the end once again become more like equals.  

It seems to me that in our final years our souls are laid bare as never before.  The powerful become frail.  The prideful look to the state of their souls.  The intelligent face questions they can’t answer.  The once-adored receive pity.  We like to construct for ourselves a life that feeds our inflated egos and makes us kings and queens of the Moment.  Then, when the Moment has passed, and our egos have driven away the ones who stay with us in our fragile state, we are forced to reevaluate our lives with a broader perspective.

I am not trying to deny the suffering that comes with old age.  I have the deepest sympathy for those losing the ones they love, and those watching or feeling personally the many tragic conditions that come in a person’s later years.   But I think we can all benefit from looking ahead to what will be coming, and making sure that, when that time comes, though our health may fail us, our souls will be singing from a life well lived.

In closing, I bring to you one of my favorite poems:

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

 

May 2 2012

Us vs. Them (Why I’m Politically Agnostic)

I must start off by apologizing for my virtual absence here lately.  I could come up with all sorts of excuses, but to be honest… I just couldn’t think of anything good to write.  Do you ever have weeks like that?  Uninspired… unmotivated… blasé… had too many other things to worry about.

But this is all coming to an end now, as I have run into enough reasons to go into my discourse on why I’m politically agnostic.

Firstly, a refresher on the alternate definitions of “Agnostic” (these are taken from dictionary.reference.com):

2. a person who denies or doubts the possibility of ultimate knowledge in some area of study.

3. a person who holds neither of two opposing positions on a topic

In summary: I don’t think anyone has all the answers.

Now, in my experience, when I present this opinion to anyone on either side of “the fence”, I get a response somewhat like these: “Oh, sure, of course, but you’ve got to choose a side.” “Of course [my party] doesn’t have ‘all’ the answers, but we’re closer to it than [other party]!”  “I’m only with [my party] because of [political issue].  And I’m definitely right about [political issue].”

I don’t know if I’ve actually yet met one person who, when asked, is truly convinced that his or her political party has all the answers.

Which makes me wonder… why, then, is everyone so battle-ready when it comes to their political party or ideology?  And I’m not just talking about fun little fandom debates, like rooting for your local sports team, except it’s a political team.   I’m talking about families and marriages torn apart; old friendships ended; possible new friendships shattered; hatred for massive groups of people without ever actually talking or listening to them.  I’m not kidding or exaggerating.  It’s “us” vs “them”. 

People move to certain parts of town, tune in to certain channels (radio or tv), frequent certain websites, attend certain churches, and associate with certain groups of people, all for the sake of not hearing the voices from “the other side” or associating themselves with “those people”.   If they accidentally stumble into one of these places, they don a look of fear, anger, and disgust, and turn around as quickly as possible, thankful that they know better than those misled lowlifes, but wishing they’d just go away and stop destroying the country. 

And then it gets funny: you go to a different country and find that they think you’re all the same.  The “us” and “them” are completely redefined in an instant. 

As it turns out, we all are actually kind of the same.  We all think we’re right.  And, for too many of us, we need to make our opinions heard, by as many as possible, no matter the cost.  I’ve seen far too many memes, badges, bumper stickers, and t-shirts that say something to the effect of, “I’m me and these are my opinions and if you don’t agree, then screw you!”  Like it makes the wearer cool or something.

To truly sum up why I am politically agnostic, I will defer to the book of Proverbs, which bears amazing real-life wisdom that proves itself useful for people of all religions:

“The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”

“Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them.”

“Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Politics is divisive.  I see both sides disproving their rightness with their blind arrogance.  Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut, your opinions to yourself, and listen.  Listen to them.  Hold yourself accountable for causing unnecessary division and strife.  Make your pride and “being right” less important than your relationships and love.  After all, you don’t want to be a fool… because fools are never right.

DISCLAIMER: This post was not intended to be directed toward any one person, group, or ideology.  The pronoun “you” is meant only to cause introspection on the part of the reader.  I am not advocating the abolishment of all political parties, an abandonment of any political opinion, or voter non-participation.  I am advocating that we all admit we’re not omniscient, and act like it toward our fellow human beings.

Apr 18 2012

Rhetorical Questions

Usually, on this blog I like to drive home the point that I don’t know all the answers.  Generally, this is true, but I am happy to report today that there are some oft-asked questions out there that I do know the answers to.  Frankly, I’m a little tired of hearing these obvious questions being repeatedly asked without a real answer.  So, if you are still among those seeking the truth, your quest is about to be completed!:

 

On its way to half empty.

1. Is the glass half empty, or half full?
This question is supposed to have a variety of answers, based on your outlook on life.  An optimist would supposedly say it’s half full, a pessimist would say it’s half empty, a realist would say it’s at the halfway mark, etc.  Personally, I can’t see what all the fuss is about.  If the glass was empty, it is now half full (been filled halfway); if the glass was full, it is now half empty (been emptied halfway).  Simple.

2. Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
The chicken, obviously (or two chickens, really).  That is, if you ascribe to the Creation theory.  If your bets are hedged on Evolution, then the answer is neither – the jungle fowl came first.


3. If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it really make a sound?
Yes.  Obviously.  We can know this through the wonderful human thought process known as inductive reasoning.  Though I suppose if you found a good enough lawyer, you could create enough doubt to acquit the tree of its noise disturbance charges in court.

No point.

4. How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
The answer is none.  Wood chucks are yet another example of Americans not taking the time to listen, as their name is contrived from the Native American word “wuchak” for the same animal.  Wood chucks are like groundhogs.  They burrow.  They have no need to throw wood around.

 
5. To be, or not to be?
To the vast majority of us, “to be” would be the answer to “the question” here.  History has proven time and time again that even in the direst of circumstances, one of the most basic instincts of humanity is the will to survive.

6. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
One (or both) of them gets a definition change.

One of them will move.


7. If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, then why practice?Practice doesn’t make perfect.  Whoever told you that was lying.

 
8. Why do bad things happen to good people? / Why does God let the bad things happen?
Because we live in a bad world.  Wouldn’t the removal of free will be even worse?

You'd cross the road too.

9. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Probably either because there was food on the other side, or a predator on the same side.  But that’s just a guess.

 

I hope that this clears up some confusion that seems to have been rolling around for quite some time.  It feels good to have made my contribution to society today.  Are there any that I missed?  Do you have some more answers of your own?

Apr 17 2012

Life is a Journey (and new blog!)

When I get introspective about life, I unavoidably come back to the illustration of a path or a road.  It’s hardly an original illustration, as you can see it pop up throughout basically all of human history and literature.  Life is a journey.  But what kind of journey is it?

It’s easy to start thinking that we create our path as we go – I’ll call this the “pen to paper” philosophy.  It’d be like if life was a gigantic piece of paper, and we had pens tied to the back of our shoes: our experiences behind us have created our path leading up to this moment, and we have limitless choice before us.  For someone who likes to feel in complete control over their destiny, this can be an appealing philosophy.

Another way is to think that our paths are defined by a series of choices – I’ll call this the “plinko board” philosophy.  With a plinko board, you drop a disc in at the top.  It hits its first peg (a choice), goes left or right, hits the nearest peg on the next row, goes left or right, and so on.  Depending on which lefts and rights it takes, it ends up somewhere different at the bottom.  If you remember those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, this would be a bit like that.  For someone who feels that life is too random and unknown to be completely in our control, this can be an appealing philosophy.

A third way is to think that our paths are a means to an end – our “destiny” or “life purpose” – I’ll call this the “corn maze” philosophy.  It’d be as though we are meandering around our lives, seemingly lost and without direction, until we find and fulfill our destiny and purpose.  I’ve read some fantastic fantasy novels with this theme.  For someone who feels lost, this can be an appealing philosophy.

I could go on with many more philosophies; everyone has their own.  For me, I know I’m not in complete control and I know I haven’t ended up where I am by utter randomness:  My path was already created, my path is always watched over, and my path ahead of me is known.  

I don’t talk very much about God or religion on this blog directly, even though I have some very well-entrenched beliefs, and that is on purpose.  Mainly, I don’t want to be pigeon-holed as a “religious” blog, alienating people who have their own, often negative, perceptions about Christians and Christianity, and also limiting what I feel I should and shouldn’t talk about.  I just want to be me, and I want people to take me for who I am, not what a massive group of people I’m somewhat associated with are like.

So, none of this is changing.  I’m keeping this blog as it is, because I like it that way.  But I am also starting a new blog, unknownnothing.wordpress.com.  There I will be talking a lot more about the One who watches my steps.  If you want to read it, great!  If you don’t, that’s fine too!  If it helps, I’ve started it out with the gripping tale of when I broke my neck.  I’m doing this mainly for my own benefit, so that I don’t forget what my path is really all about.

Apr 10 2012

Have women got it wrong?

This morning was another one of “those mornings”.  My husband hadn’t slept very well.  The kids (both toddler/preschool aged) were both up before I left for work.  As they were both up, they were both happy enough…. as long as Mommy was holding them, or at least around.  But Mommy had to leave.

One of “those mornings” meant I ran out the door, leaving behind my kids screaming and bawling for their Mommy.  Because, although they both love Daddy…. Daddy is not Mommy.

It is this sort of event that has led me to thinking a lot lately about the role of women in our society – how it is, how it was, and how it should be.  Of course, here in the 21st century, it is basically accepted that women are “special, but equal”, being obviously not the “same” as men, but nonetheless equally capable of working, voting, marrying, divorcing, and in all other ways being an independently thinking and acting adult, free to do whatever [legal things] she chooses.

If you rewind through the vast majority of the rest of human history, even leading up to today in other parts of the world, women were and are looked at quite differently.  A comparison could be made to how we view our 16-year-olds today: independent adults in some ways, but still under the umbrella of their parents.  Sure, we let our 16-year-olds have their fair share of responsibility, even hold certain jobs, and any parent or teacher will tell you they are fully capable of independent thoughts and actions… but they’re not quite full-fledged adults.  And, after all, their primary responsibility should be to their studies, so we don’t want to heap too much else on them.

If you substitute “studies” with “child-rearing/housekeeping”, “parents” with “husbands”, and forget the fact that 16-year-olds grow out of their semi-adult status, you have somewhat of an idea of the way women have typically been viewed throughout most of history, in a decent society.  Of course, there were always extenuating circumstances to consider and exceptions to be made, so this is quite generalized.

Every ounce of my upbringing and part in our postmodern Western society tells me that we’ve made improvements when it comes to how we view and treat our women.  And, in fact, I don’t think I would have fared very well as a historical woman, for the following reasons:

1)      I am fiercely independent, and like to go about my own way in everything.

2)      I am not a girly-girl, have absolutely no fashion sense, and only keep up my appearance as much as society forces me to

3)      My manners can often be atrocious

For all these reasons and more, I was quite happy to ride the post-feminist wave throughout my life….. until I had kids.  Now suddenly I’ve got all of these natural impulses coming up that I am having to ignore or even outright go against in my everyday life.  Nothing seems fulfilling or truly joyous except to be with my kids.  I can handle their loudness, their crying, and their demands with a level of patience that no one else has – yet too often someone else has to.

Heck, I even find myself voluntarily plopping myself in the kitchen all the time, when the kids are OK.  I want to make my husband a sandwich.  I want to get those dishes done.  I want to do whatever it takes to make my house a happy home.  If you were around when I was 16, constantly shirking my chores, with no interest in kids, you would know what a turnaround this is.

It’s these natural impulses that make me wonder… are we getting it wrong?  Have us women done ourselves a disfavor in our thirst for independence and respect?  Have we done our children a disfavor?  Is there perhaps a good reason that nearly every society that has existed has put women in a similar home-centered place – a reason that is a bit more complex than, “because the evil men wanted it that way”?

I’m not saying that the answer to those questions is a resounding, “YES!”  I try to avoid as much as possible pretending that I know such answers.

I’ve created a little table to sum up my thoughts:

Apr 9 2012

Honorable Mentions

I must apologize for my virtual absence from all things WordPress lately – both in my own posts and in comments.  I should be able to get myself back on track this week.

See, I have a confession to make…. I do nearly all my WordPress stuff from work.  Hopefully, no bosses/coworkers read this, or if they do, they have not yet worked out my Secret Identity.  Normally I just have that much extra time on my hands (because I am THAT efficient!), but this past week happened to be particularly busy.  This will probably happen again every 3 months.

But anyway, first things first – I have been nominated for an award… twice!!  Specifically, this one:

As far as I can tell, “nominated” means either “won”, as in everybody wins, or “will never win”, as in the nomination is pretty much as far as it goes.  But even though it’s not the Oscars, I still can’t help but blush with heartfelt gratitude to UnfinishedBizness and LBTK.  Yeah, you heard me – you should go check UnfinishedBizness out and revel in her hilarity and awesome storytelling, and then check LBTK out and smile at her warmth and passion.
The rules for accepting this award are as follows:

1. Thank the award-givers and link back to them in your post.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to 15 (or so).
4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award

So, to fulfill my duty as a good award-winning blogger, I bring to you 7 random things about myself:

1. I am a Lord of the Rings fanatic.
    I read the books about 14 years ago – long before the movies came out – and was hooked.   Well, almost.  At first I read up to where Gandalf “died”, and was so upset I threw down the book and refused to pick it up again until I peeked ahead and found he had somehow rematerialized.  I saw each of the movies a bazillion (approx.) times.  I even read The Silmarillion and some of Tolkien’s other less well-known writings.  Basically, I am certifiable “nerd”.  Or would that be “geek”….?

2. I never want to own an expensive car.
    Fortunately (I guess), I’ve never earned enough to make this come into question, but even if I earned millions, I’d still want an average kind of car.   Is it for some fantastic economical reason?  No.  I just don’t want to be judged as rich, or have a target over my head if I wander into a bad area of town.  Plus, I have a bad habit of ending up in (all right, “causing”) fender-benders.

3. The Pacific Northwest is like my paradise.
    I say “paradise” in an Earthly way, not a religious one… But I spent 3 years of my childhood in Oregon, and still carry with me many fond memories of ubiquitous waterfalls, swoon-worthy mountains, cool lava tubes, amazing greenery, fresh berries that just pop up randomly, and a good down-to-earth attitude from the majority of people around me.

4. I was almost a Music major.
   In high school, I lived for music.  I was in all the best choral groups, worked at a music store, wrote music, played music, recorded music, took (and aced) a college-level Music Theory class, earned a heap of awards and stuff.  I got accepted into my university as a Music major.  Then, as fate would have it, I ended up with nodes (blisters) on my vocal chords, and my music track came to a screeching halt.  I ended up fairly randomly picking History as my major, which got me on an exchange program with England, which found me my husband and some of the best years of my life.  Funny that.

5. I am jealous of stay-at-home moms.
   I’m probably definitely not the only working mother to think this.  I work for one reason only: to provide my kids/family with what they need.   If anything happened where they could get what they needed without me working, I would quit in a heartbeat.  I have two young kids who haven’t even started preschool yet, and I know that I’m going to miss those precious few years of being their primary influence.  I’m not saying that stay-at-home moms don’t have a tough job — I fully admit that my stay-at-home husband works much harder than I do — but I’d do anything for that tough, but infinitely more fulfilling, job.  There is a part of me that wants to tell feminism to shove it, so that I can be left alone to raise my kids, cook our dinners, clean the house, and just generally be a mommy.

6. I don’t curse/swear (out loud).
    I don’t do this to be pompous or anything, and I don’t really mind when [adult] people do…  I just was raised not to, and never bothered to rebel against that.  Eventually, I had kept it up for so long that I turned it into a conscious decision.  I figured that I did enough things wrong…. Might as well keep that one little thing right.  I kind of like the innocence that comes with never having crossed that line – plus, it forces me to be more creative in the words I use.

7. I love lists and I love talking about myself.
    So this has been a great joy :-)

And finally….. this brings me to my nominations!  Seriously, I have been so overwhelmed by the talent I’ve found on WordPress.  These are all folks that I follow and like for different reasons, and they’re about as diverse as you can get (I stopped at 10 just because it’s such a wonderfully even number):

Pilogic Street, a.k.a. Randel was one of my first “WordPress friends”.  His economic/political blogs are like a brain workout, they always make me think.  Also, he is full of so many good ideas that I’ve considered writing him into my ballot in November.

A Frank Angle, along with Randel, really encouraged me in my early(-ier) WordPress days, and still continues to do so.  If WordPress was Sesame Street, he’d be like Hooper’s Store.  He has a fantastic way of bringing people together.

365 From the Archive is a brilliant photographer and writer who has travelled the world and is now blogging about it, one day at a time.  I don’t know how she got to stray so far from the typical sites and out to the lives of everyday people, but her experiences and wisdom gained should be shared to all.

LeeLeegirl’s Life is just one of those pick-you-up people who, if she ever has negative thoughts, has the self-control not to share them.  Her blogs are always inspiring and encouraging, without being too “fluffy” or verbose.  She reminds me of the kind of person I used to be, and would like to be again.

CynicalDriver never ceases to amaze me with what seem to be connections to my brain.  I’ll have some opinion or way of looking at life and think, “I must be the only one out there who thinks this way.”  Then CynicalDriver will write about it – in a thought-provoking yet witty way!

Mediaevalmusings has both my dream job and my dream brain.  I’ll never know how she does it, but several times a week she’ll churn out A+ quality historical writing that would have taken me weeks to research.  She is an excellent writer and a brilliant historian, and I always look forward to her posts.

Words/Love is a fellow seeker of wisdom who both thinks deeply and writes about what she thinks about.  No one could ever argue about what she writes, because she always does so with soul-baring honesty.

Gingerfightback is absolutely “ROFL” funny, with that ironic, slightly-indecent, overstated-with-a-straight-face type of humor that just can’t ever seem to be replicated outside of the UK and Ireland.  His writing makes the forever-Anglofied part of my brain tingle.

Chiefofleast writes some really fantastic, honest, and well thought out posts about Christianity, the Bible, and everything related, without being too “churchy”.  Not that I have anything against church, but, you know, he doesn’t use the same words and catch-phrases over and over.

Abetterkuwait hasn’t posted in a while now, but I love everything she has written.  I have never been to the Middle East, and I don’t intimately know anyone from there, but she puts a face to the social and political revolutions that have been taking place in that vast and varied part of the world, and writes beautifully.

And that’s it for now!  A “real” post to follow in the next couple of days.

Mar 28 2012

Health Care, Obamacare, and the white flag of surrender

I generally try to avoid politically charged topics on here, mostly because I think it’s unnecessarily divisive.  Or, to put it more simply: I don’t like making people mad.  More than that, I hate watching people alienate their family, friends, and neighbors over some opinion that they hold in way too high of importance. 

So, that being said: I don’t want to cause trouble.  If you don’t agree with me – I salute you.  You probably have equally good reasons for your opinions as I do for mine.  Feel free to present your across-the-spectrum opinions in my comments section (warning: though intelligent responses are welcome, personal attacks will be deleted).  Or, if your tendency is more apolitical, feel free to browse through my other, nothing-to-do-with politics, posts.

See, you may not know something about me.  I am an evil Communist.  OK, not really.  But, having lived in the UK where becoming ill or injured is purely a health crisis and not a financial one, I am an avid supporter of public healthcare.  That’s right – tie me to a stake and burn me alive, I speak of evil sorceries.  But just know that I have my reasons – I’ve seen it work, and I’ve seen the healthcare system here look like a patched-up 5th grade science fair project by comparison.

Now, I realize that supporting this cause is like voting for a 3rd party…. It’s not going to get me anywhere.  Obama already proved that when he naively thought he’d be able to rally up support for what he also thought seemed like the best solution.  Instead, of course, he ended up having to muddle and mangle his original idea to the nearly-unrecognizable Obamacare plan that is being debated in the US Supreme Court as we speak. (Do I like Obamacare? Undecided.) 

I can understand the point of view of those who oppose public health care; like any other service, one must pay for it.  Sure, we need health care to live; we also need food to live.  That doesn’t mean food will be free.  Health care is costly. 

SOURCE: CIA World Factbook (2009). Highlighted countries have public healthcare.

But that’s the problem, you see – health care, particularly in the US, is obscenely costly.  We spend more money on health care than any other country in the world (except Malta…), including those who provide health care to all of their citizens. 

I took my current job primarily because I knew it would finally offer real health care for my family.  Then I found out… how much would it cost for my 4-person family?  Over $450/month.  Roughly 20% of my net income, before rent and food and bills and such.  And even after that, I have deductibles, coinsurance pays, etc., which potentially come to an additional 15% of my annual income.   So let me add that up: I am expected to pay 35% of my income to health care.  I’m not making up these numbers… These are real dollar amounts, at a super-average job at a super-average company.

By contrast, in the UK I paid about 20% of my paycheck to the government – including income tax, social security, healthcare, whatever the heck else they wanted to do with it.  Granted, people who earned more would have paid a higher percentage.  But even if I wanted to count ALL of that toward health care (which is very unrealistic), that is a 15% annual savings.  That’s CHEAPER!   (For a country of people that will line up around the block to save 10¢/gallon on gas, you think that’d be enough said.)

As far as my experience, which included a 7-story plummet which nearly broke my neck and landed me in hospital for three days, as well as the first three months of pregnancy, I didn’t feel like anything was lacking in quality. 

OK, so I know that the US and the UK are different.  Just because it works there doesn’t mean it will work here.  We have more people.  Our lawyers have itchy trigger fingers.  Our government can never seem to plan any further than 4 years ahead (and spends accordingly).  Our citizens are about as hard to regulate as a belligerent teenager.  And, of course, the changeover would be very messy. 

So is it worth the risk?  If you’ve got yourself a great health care plan, and enough income to not have it be a major drain on you, probably not.  (As a side note: Superior-quality private health care plans are also alive and well among the well-funded individuals of Britain)  If you’re praying that you’re going to slip and fall on hospital premises so you can afford your medical bills, then perhaps a major do-over would be worth while.

In closing, I bring to you some INFOGRAPHICS (because I love them!):

Mar 21 2012

Believe in Yourself?

It’s no secret that, as we grow up, we have to revise what we thought we knew.  Generally speaking, we all work out that Santa Claus isn’t real, that monsters don’t live under our beds, and that mom and dad aren’t actually perfect.  I still remember how betrayed I felt when my 6th grade math teacher informed us about negative numbers – debunking the myth I had been taught up to that point that a number minus a bigger number was always 0. 

We'll do ANYthing to avoid this.

There are a lot of reasons we lie to or mislead our kids – whether it is to protect them from the evil or ‘adult’ things of this world, to avoid an over-complicated subject, or to convince them to do something we feel is right.  Whatever the reason, most of the time we mean well. 

However, I can’t help but notice that there are some of these “childhood truths” (when I say “truths” I mean “myths”) that don’t always seem to get revised in adulthood, that really should.  I could name a bunch, but there is one really sticking out to me today:

“You Can Do Anything if You Believe in Yourself”

I can understand why we tell this to our kids.  In a [nearly] free market society, if you don’t believe you’re going to be able to do something, you won’t.  You need motivation, and, for the most part, that means self-motivation.  It’s also healthy to dream.  However, if you really think about it, you’ll realize that the above statement is absolute idiocy.  Not only that, but it is dangerous, leading people to major disappointment in life.

Here’s an example: If you’ve seen American Idol, or your country’s equivalent, you’ve seen it – some shameless person stands in front of the judges and says “I’M going to be the next American Idol.”  They believe in themselves.  And then they start their song…. And it’s terrible.  You groan or laugh loudly on your couch just to drown out the sound coming out of their mouth.  The judges shoo them out the door and the contestant vows to the camera, “Those guys are stupid!  Especially the British one!  I’m going to be famous!”

That, my friends, isn’t self-motivation; it’s self-delusionment.  Obviously, just ‘believing’ in anything doesn’t make it a reality.  Just like not believing in something doesn’t make it not a reality.  This may come as a shock to some, but you can’t ‘believe’ something in or out of existence.  This includes talent. 

They make it look so easy...

Here is another, more practical example: Sally Dreamsbig has just graduated high school, and wants to open a bakery.  She’s wanted this ever since her mom bought her an Easy Bake Oven at age 7.  She knows she’s a good baker, and she knows she would love it, and she knows that’s what she wants to do.  So at age 19 she gathers all her ideas, writes an immaculate and inspiring business plan, bakes a few of her best samples, and trots down to the bank to get her loan and her dream started. 

The bank…. says no.  She hasn’t got any credit history.  She only has a few hundred dollars saved up.  She has no experience.  No way.  Though – the banker admits – her chocolate ganache is delicious.

What did I do wrong? She wonders.  Her plan had been laid out perfectly in her mind.  She knew her goal.  She knew she would be perfectly capable of making this happen.  She believed in herself… but the bank didn’t believe in her!   Her dreams are shattered.  She spirals into depression.  Nothing else seems even worth considering…. This was all she’d ever wanted.

You see the problem?  If you’re self-motivating yourself to a certain goal, and “life happens” in whatever form and you are obstructed or delayed from getting there, you can lose your motivation.  And then you’re stuck.  No, believing in yourself isn’t enough.  There are too many factors out of your control.  You aren’t God.

Sometimes it's more about the journey than the destination.

So what’s the heart of the message?  It’s about not giving up.  You can’t ‘believe’ your goals into the present, but you can keep yourself walking toward them – or, perhaps, looking around and finding a better goal.  We can’t know the path, but we can at least choose to walk it.  You can believe in your ability to put that next foot forward.

So by all means, believe in yourself – but let that be your motivation to improve your abilities, get yourself educated, save your money, make wise decisions, and perhaps even lower your expectations for a while.  After all, we only live this life one day at a time.

Mar 16 2012

That’s ‘Saint’ Patrick to you

Are you sure it's not St. Guinness Day?

It was about three weeks ago that it dawned on me:  “Oh crap…. St. Patrick’s Day is going to be on a Saturday this year.”

I say this not because I am anti-Irish or anti-St Patrick in any way – in fact, quite the opposite.  Rather, I say this with the same kind of feeling of dread you would get if you checked you and your family in to a Panama City hotel….. only to then realize that MTV is hosting a Spring Break party there.

For those outside of this setting, St Patrick’s Day is that day where everyone pretends to be Irish for the sake of overpopulating all the bars and pubs (particularly the ones that also pretend to be Irish) and consuming copious amounts of Guinness and Jameson.  Unless you’re in Ireland, of course, in which case there’s no need to pretend.  This happens every year, but on a Saturday?  God help us.  There should be an advisory to stay off the roads and away from city centers after 8pm.

Now, I realize that St Patrick’s Day is by far not the only holiday around to have suffered this fate, but seriously – the day has nothing to do with Saint Patrick.  Well OK, there is one thing – Saint Patrick lived in Ireland.  That’s about it.  And he purportedly died on March 17.  I can almost guarantee that if he was invited to show up to a modern day St Patrick’s Day celebration he would be revolted and grieved.

This guy: Probably not Irish. DEFINITELY not St. Patrick.

Before I go off on to my little historical rant here, I do want to make sure I make one thing clear: I like St Patrick’s Day.  I think some people take it too far, and I find the widespread ignorance about Irish culture to be a little bit nauseating, but I still like it. 

Actually, there is one more thing I want to make clear: I am not claiming to be an expert.  I am not Irish.  I have visited Ireland (and loved it); I have studied Ireland (though not as a primary focus); I have lived near Ireland (in northern England); but I am not Irish.  I’m not even Catholic.  I would love to have feedback and added insight from those with greater expertise than me.

So anyway – Saint Patrick.  Brief synopsis: Well-off kid, born in Scotland in the 4th century, kidnapped to Ireland for several years, managed to escape back to Britain, became a priest and then bishop, devoted the rest of his long life to being a missionary in Ireland, and ended up being quite successful in his quest to convert pagan Ireland to Christianity.  All of that is pretty widely accepted fact. 

Abbey Feale, County Limerick, Ireland. My Happy Place. This is what Saint Patrick was about.

The full story, of course, is much more interesting.  If you read his account of his life, you’ll notice one thing right away: he talks about God a lot.  This guy was, you know, a missionary.  A priest.  Someone who gave up whatever his other aspirations in life may have been in favor of returning to the hostile land of his captors to do what he solemnly believed was right.  He prayed a lot.  He didn’t go to any pubs.  I highly doubt he dressed in green.   He lived a monastic lifestyle.  He wasn’t patriotic.  He wasn’t a warrior.

St. Patrick arrived to an Ireland with few, if any, who claimed themselves to be Christians.  By the time of his death, the majority of the island claimed themselves to be Christian.  That was his legacy.  To my knowledge, he accomplished this without violence or coercion.  You could argue whether this change was a positive one or not, but even after his death, throughout the Dark Ages Ireland remained a hub of Christianity, producing some of Europe’s finest literature, art, and religious men and women.   It was monks from Ireland who are granted much of the credit for the re-Christianizing of England.  To this day, Christianity endures more in Ireland than in most of the rest of Europe.

So, compare the Saint Patrick with the holiday that’s supposedly in tribute to him.  Not to condemn all St Patrick’s Day celebrations as terrible things, but there is a tragedy in that the real St Patrick is often ignored when, really, I think he’s a pretty interesting guy.

 

On a completely different topic, do any of you readers have any ideas as to what you would like to see me blog about?  Or, would you like to have a guest post on my blog?  Please feel free to comment with your ideas, or join my Facebook page and send me a private message.  I’d love to hear from you!

Mar 15 2012

On Coolness

I'm about as cool as this guy.

I like to think that I have my fair share of decent qualities – though for the sake of not making myself sound like an arrogant moron I won’t list them.  Unfortunately, one quality that has always evaded me is coolness. 

I thought that when I graduated high school, or, at the very least, college, my days of having to worry about this would be over.  As it turns out, although the ideas about coolness change in adulthood (under the guise of terms like ‘gravitas’), they don’t go away.  Also, as it turns out, I’m still bad at it.

Part of this, as my husband will gladly point out, is my tendency to “logic” life to death (clever pun, I know).  I like lists, step-by-step instructions, and tend to take what people say at face value. 

The problem is, whereas I can purposefully set out to be kinder, more open-minded, more honest, or less selfish – though sometimes with great effort – it is impossible to set out to be cool.

How frustrating!  I can’t put ‘be more cool’ on a to-do list.  In fact, the very act of doing so would automatically make me less cool.  It can’t be quantified, or charted, or even taught, really.  It changes all the time.  No one knows who determines what is cool, or how they convince us to care, but we all seem to be subject to this constantly shifting standard.

My personal failures aside, I sometimes wonder: Why is being cool so important?  It doesn’t really benefit society in any way…. There is no particular connection with coolness making you rich (except maybe in Hollywood)… It doesn’t seem to bring any real happiness…. It doesn’t bear any significance to any recognized religion or philosophy…. So what’s the point? What’s so great about it? And why do we all wince when we see someone being so overtly “uncool”?  What’s so bad about it?

As far as I can see, it’s a completely arbitrarily assigned ranking system that everybody designs for themselves.  Except for people like me, who resign themselves to writing notably uncool blog posts about it.